just be ...

And...we're walking...

 

This I Believe.

NPR has a program called This I Believe where people write essays about their life and something that makes them, them.  I dont have an essay, but I do have these thoughts.

This I Believe ... 

• I can operate on very little sleep to take care of Max.
• I really do enjoy being a Mom.
• Can feel the power of love growing each and every day with Max.
• Believe all the sleepless nights only encourage the bond between Max and I to become stronger. (I like knowing that I can soothe him just by picking him up, when he is crying.)

With that being said, I am going to try to get some shut-eye since Max's social hour is between 12 and 3 AM!

A signature move?

Taken today, a new move from Max. 

He had his two week check-up with the doctor today.  He's surpassed his birthweight by a half pound and has grown an inch.  We go back again in two weeks.  Hopefully by then, he'll be eating more and sleeping longer during the night.  But I am not putting any money on it.  I'll just wait and see what he decides to do.  Right now, I am still getting used to it being me and him, and I really like it.  

Getting to know you...

Its a weird feeling to know that I am genetically linked to Max, yet I really dont know him yet.  Each day I learn more and more about him, but no one ever said that the first few weeks of motherhood would be 'getting to know your baby'.  I suppose I've read about it and heard about it, but it never sank in that it would really be happening.  Maybe I had expectations that I would know him, and that he would know me.  Maybe not.  But as each day goes by, I am more smitten by him than the day before.  I had a fleeting thought the other morning about 'going back to the way it was' ... and I immediately said I wouldnt trade Max for a single thing in this world.  He is here with me for rest of my life.  And that makes my heart swoon with happiness. 

My step-father has said on a couple of occasions now, that I got what I always wanted.  I am a mother, I have a child, the dream has come true.  Can you believe it?  I am still pinching myself.  And I am pretty damn proud of myself for grabbing this dream by the horns and doing what I had to do to make it come true.  That would be my advice to anyone, to Max, to all my nieces and nephews, if you want something so badly, and you know it in your heart, do whatever it takes to get it.  You wont regret it. 

Yesterday, Max and I took our first walk together.  It wasnt a long one, in fact I think it lasted all of ten minutes.  Today, we are going to try again.  We hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Happy Valentine's Day.

 
**photo by Anglina, from Flickr.  

Its Valentine's Day weekend.  There are plans for couples everywhere to do things to celebrate their love.  Some stay home and just chill together.  Some go out to dinner.

I spoke to a friend today about their plans, and they are a couple that will stay home and spend time together.  Her exact words were, 'Why do I want to go out with a group of friends to celebrate Valentine's day with my husband?'. She makes a very good point. Why the expensive dinner, the cards, the gifts, on one day of the year to celebrate love?

Not being in love at the current time, Valentine's Day is just another day of the year.  I have no desire to do anything other than a thing or two from my 'favorite things' list.  I might take myself to Starbucks, get a nice gourmet coffee and read for an hour or two.

To all my friends who are going out for dinner, I hope its an enjoyable one.

My Six Word Life Story.

Read this NPR article, and create your own life story.  It took me almost all day to come up with mine.  

 
*february 2010, my six word life story.  

No man will want to be with you, you have your own life.

Those are the words spoken to me almost a week ago now and are still resonating. 

I suspect its my independence.  Or the things I do for myself to make my dreams come true.  Or the standards I have for myself to have a career, not a job.  All these are my responsibility anyway, whether there is a man in my life or not.  I have to make myself happy, no man can do that.  I am employed doing something I enjoy, no man can do that for me.  Maybe this person I've become is a direct result of being raised by a first born fiercely independent woman.  However it may be, I wouldnt change me for anything in the world, let alone to have a man in my life.

Those who look at me and think no man will want to be with me, or think 'what a shame she couldnt snag herself a husband', I am very happy with my life.  And someday, the right man will come along and it will only add happiness to my life. 

Torn.

Ever feel torn between good and bad? 

I do.  I am. 

I cant seem to find the balance between the two.  I see the good, but the bad overshadows the good.  I hold out for the good to overshadow the bad.  But have very little faith this would happen as the bad has been bad for so so long.  Though I continue to pray for the good, because in the end, if the good were to take over its a very pleasant experience. 

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With ALL the news in the world, all the tragedies, the nightmares, the news gives time to Jay Leno + Conan O'Brien???  Are you kidding me?  Both of them should be canned.  How can they be SO self-ish during a time like this?  They have not a leg to stand on trying to carry on a 'has-been'.  Give it up, both of you.  Maybe give some of your millions to the Red Cross. 

When boys visit ...

...things like this snowman appear.  When I look at this, which is now melted and gone, I instantly smile.  Its been awesome having my sister Sharon and her kids home for Christmas.  Saturday, Sharon and I spent the afternoon together doing one of my favorite things...grabbing lunch at the pub.  A perfect afternoon to close out the holiday season. 

Lost + Stalled.

I promise, I'll be back to regular posting soon.  I havent been feeling all that well lately.  Too many things going on, not enough time in the day. 

I promise soon there will be so much to talk about.