just be ...

This.

This is what started it all.

This is what basically took me out at the knees, crippling me from feeling human for the last three months.

This plus a toddler made me crave long winter naps. 

This came as a surprise.  I mean I knew what I was doing, but I didnt think it would happen so quickly.  I even told the nurse when she called that she had the wrong patient. 

This is taking a while to get excited about.  I am feeling lots of 'Max is more than enough, what am I doing bringing another into the world?'

However, today, I actually felt good about This. 

This was reviewed by the 'old mama' doctor today.  I was supposed to have an invasive genetic test done, and after his review and confidence that everything looks normal, I opted out. 

God has blessed me with This, a second miracle.  And whatever it is - boy, girl, genetic problems or not - I was meant to be its mama. 

When I left the doctor's office today, I felt scared that I opted out of the test, but also relieved. 

This explains my absence from the world. 

I am starting to feel human again.  This week I've only had a couple of occasions where I wanted to puke until my head pops off (as opposed to everyday, all day). 

I will not lie and say 'This is great! I cant wait!' in regards to being a mama to two kids.  I am excited, though more scared than anything.  But if I recall correctly, I believe I was this scared when I was pregnant with Max. 

Life will be just right with my two kids.  My heart is full. 

Baby.

(havent done one of these in a while.)

1. Hands, 2. Myron 7 days old, 3. Colin4, 4. Wish me luck! (again), 5. finding it hard to sleep..., 6. Mr. Pétursson, 7. three cheers for the red, white, and blue, 8. t i n y t o e s°, 9. A Boy and His Dog, 10. Hard life I, 11. Peek a boo :-), 12. Untitled, 13. connection, 14. baby liam sleeps, 15. 253/365 Hey there!, 16. Baby Yao Number Three

Barefeet and the Nursery.

Not that barefeet any other day of the year arent my favorite, they are REALLY my favorite now.  I've been reduced to wearing my flip flops to work on most days!

 

Here are some shots of the nursery at this point.  I need to add a mirror over the dresser, a mirror that's been in the family for 30 or so years, I am sure.  Apparently my father's mother purchased the mirror as a housewarming gift.  Its currently with my brother for new hanging hardware.  I kept things simple, as usual.  No need for too much when the bean isnt even going to notice!

*this is where i need to add a couple of pictures or artwork, once i find them!*

*i think my fear of not having enough diapers can be calmed for now!*

*some of the toys are from my childhood*

*and the valances, but couldnt have this room decorated without a pic of the beans maternal great grandparents looking out for him, keeping him company.*

Music for Baby.

 

I am a BIG music person.  Its always playing when I am home, in the car, exercising, at work, when hanging out with friends, etc.  Its no surprise to me that I have quite the collection of lullabye music for the bean.  I am thinking he will have the same appreciation for music.  (His father is a 'rock' kind of guy.  Plus he played the trumpet and piano for several years)

This morning, while taking a 'break' from reorganizing the closets - a task that I dread - I put together a playlist for the bean.  I cant wait for him to hear it. 

For Baby.
La valse d'Amélie (Version piano) - Yann Tiersen
Trouble Sleeping - Corinne Bailey Rae
All the Money I had is Gone - The Deep Dark Woods
Fireflies - Faith Hill
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
Hallelujah (feat. Charlie Sexton) - Justin Timberlake
Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
Comptine d'un autre été, l'après-midi - Yann Tiersen
Blessed be - Allison Krauss
Lullabye - Billy Joel
Song for a Winter's Night - Sarah McLachlan
Heart Of Glass - Nouvelle Vague
The Long Day is Over - Norah Jones
Beautiful Boy - Ben Harper
Flake - Jack Johnson
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Water Song - Colin Hay
Butterfly Waltz - Baby Piano
You are My Sunshine (Pt. 1) - Elizabeth Mitchell
Night Mantra - Renee + Jeremy
Amazing Grace - Randy Travis
Everything'll be Alright (Will's Lullaby) - Joshua Radin
The Heart of the Matter - India.Arie
Someone Like You - Van Morrison

Surprise!

Boy was I ever!  I thought I had a meeting at 2pm Tuesday with my manager and co-worker, only to find out I was completely surprised with a baby shower for me and the bean!  I mean I had NO CLUE.  No clue.  None.  I had to pull it together on two seperate occasions during the event, as I didnt want the people to see me cry because I was just so touched. 

For those fellow co-workers of mine who read this, Thank You from the bottom of my heart.  You helped make this journey very special. 

Here are some photos to enjoy (Thanks Doris!).
 

 

 

 
**beautiful handknit blanket from Liz ... absolutely beautiful work. 

  

My Pregnancy Journal

 

For Christmas, my father and step-mother gave me this scrapbook/pregnancy journal.  I do scrapbook, but havent done so in a long time.  After going through the book, I was excited to complete this journal.  I wanted to document this special time in my life.  This has been an amazing journey.  I am SO thankful that I have been given this opportunity.  I had very little faith before I was pregnant, and sitting here today 32 weeks pregnant, in the home stretch, I do know that the Big Man wanted this for me.  Thank you Big Man!  Thank you!

So the scrapbook fever has caught on again.  I spent Saturday afternoon with my sister-in-law at Archivers, working on this book, while she worked on her project.  I havent given too much thought about creating a scrapbook for the bean, but I am sure I will. 

 
 *my first ultrasound to confirm pregnancy, 5 weeks

 
*12 weeks

*need to finish this page, 20 week ultrasound 

Preparing.

Gearing up for the arrival of Baby M.  I am now super excited about it.  I cannot wait.  These next 9 weeks are going to be the longest of my life.  (though I am sure they will fly by as I still have so much to do!)

My mother and I have both been busy washing and folding the clothes.  All the furniture is in place.  Just need a few last details to the room and its done! 

This week my brother Andrew is helping me out tremendously with some painting.  Adding a fresh coat of paint to the first floor.  Its LLLOOONNGGG overdue.  Like 8 years long.  It'll be beautiful when its done!  Thank you Andrew! 

 
**Mom couldnt resist buying the hat!  

Organic?

This past Friday I was lucky enough to get both my IRS and state tax refunds, so Friday night I spent my evening reworking the budget.  Starting in May, my budget has two new entries ... diapers and baby food.  (well, technically three....dum dum dum dumm... day.care.)  In an attempt to pry myself away from the tv and the computer, I figured today was the best day to explore Trader Joes, Whole Foods and Jewel.  What will it cost to feed the baby organic food?

Formula, really no difference in costs ... same price for any brand, organic or not.  For rice, vegetables and fruits ... the choices are much more than what they used to be.  Seems the prices are pretty much the same, some more expensive than others.  Especially these at Whole Foods.  

The food is neatly packaged in a reseable pouch.  They were priced at 3 for $4.00.  If nothing else, the packaging had me easily drawn to their location on the shelf.  But as I was holding a package of this in my hand, reading the ingredients, I wondered, really how different is this baby food from regular ol'Gerber? 

Recipes have changed since I was a baby and there are a TON more preservatives put into foods now than in the 70s.  So is the non-organic food really good for the baby?  Are these preservatives causing the childhood obseity epidemic? or dangerous, life threatening diseases in children?  Probably not.  But it still has me thinking about all the 'fake' foods there are out there.  (prime example, Equal, Splenda and Sweet'n Low ... all fake sugars made of chemicals devised in a lab...not grown on a sugar cane in the beautiful sun.  Our bodies dont know how to process these chemicals, so they dont.  With real sugar, the body can easily digest). 

Anyway, as of today, no decision has been made on the organic or non-organic.  I'll have to wait and see what happens with the bean ... what he prefers.  Then I'll adjust the ol'budget. 

Goofball City.

I spent the afternoon with the twin nephews and my sister-in-law.  I always enjoy spending time with them.  They are cool people, easy to get along with and always make me smile.  And Kelly, she is very special to me.  She understands.  Thank you Kelly!

Both the boys were traveling in Goofball City today.  Then after their last nap, they moved to Cranky City, but right before I left it was back to Goofball City.  These two, when they get older, will really get each other going and will drive their parents nuts!

*poladroid of the tyler in pool watching charlie heading to the a/c unit to check it out, make sure its working properly, layered on close up of tyler visiting goofball city.

Taking a walk.

Took a walk on Sunday afternoon with the twin nephews.  One big double stroller.  One quick stroller nap.  Good times.