just be ...

My Life.

Lately I've been finding I dont spend a lot of time with Max.  He has mastered the art of Independent Play.  For the most part of last week I carried this tremendous, crippling guilt because of it.

Why has Max mastered Independent Play?  Because I am trying to keep up with all my responsibilities that usually or can be split between a two parent household - you know cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc. 

Each weekend I go into the weekend purposely making no plans so that I can spend quality time with Max, and each weekend, on Sunday nights as I rock him to sleep my heart sinks to my stomach and I feel bad because I didnt get to spend too much time with him. 

(of course all of this could be solved by me not doing the cleaning, cooking, laundry and we can live like slobs but be deliriously happy)

Today I tried to spend some time with Max.  It doesnt help when he's being the typical toddler/two year old.  We went to the park this morning, stopped at the grocery store where he got to use the kiddie cart and walk through the store (where he normally sits in the big cart).  After nap, I sat him on my bed, taught him how to change the dvd's in the computer and I folded clothes while he 'watched' all of his videos.  Then we colored and played with all my scrapbooking supplies.

This is the result of that 30 minute activity:

Its hard to see, but there is a paper train taped to the door.  Every time he walks by it he says, 'Choo Choo!'.  (mind the terrible art work from mommy please! i never claimed to be able to draw!)

I had asked my sister Sharon earlier in the week if this guilt subsides, she said eventually it does.  It gets worse before it gets better. 

I just hope Max doesnt hate me, and will want to spend time with me after I end my pity/guilt party.

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A mom friend, Cristina, gave me a suggestion earlier this week about doing things after Max goes to bed.  Not sure why I didnt think of it myself or two years ago, but once I start getting my energy back after #2, I might have to give this a try.  Common sense, right??  Duh, Melissa.

Good Morning.

I took this photo this morning when Max came into the bathroom as I was getting ready for work, just after he woke up and got himself out of bed. 

I love that he wants to hug as soon as he wakes up. 

The other night I had

The other night I had a really weird dream, and well that doesn’t surprise me because I’ve been having weird dreams since being about 15 weeks pregnant.  They say it’s a symptom of pregnancy, and I’ll agree! 

Normally I just ignore the dreams, but this one on Friday night/Saturday morning has really freaked me out. Probably because I’ve never dreamt of this before. 

All I remember is being on a giant 747 taking off from Chicago, and then crashing on to one of the highways.  Literally the plane was bouncing, people were screaming, the top floor of the plane blew off…

And everyone walked away safe.

Last night I Google’d ‘plane crash dream’ only because I needed to know what it meant, if anything.  I am not a big believer in the ‘subconscious talks to me through my dreams’ but I do know for a fact that if something is on your mind, it will appear in your dreams.  What I didn’t realize was how much was on my mind.

Airplane Crash
To dream that a plane crashes signifies that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. You are in danger of having those goals come crashing down. Alternatively, the crashing airplane represents your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt. You do not believe in your own ability to achieve those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

Apparently I have some work to do!

Yesterday, after a long morning of terrible two's and a long nap, we headed to a new park in the neighborhood.  This wasnt toddler friendly at all, but we made do. 

The one cool thing about this park were the musical instruments or 'musical art'.  Max was fascinated by this keyboard, where you step or hop or jump on each of the tiles and it would ding.  Unfortunately he was too light to do it on his own.  I stepped on it and it went 'DOOOOOONNNNNGG', as if 'WHOA! Sweetheart, heads up next time!'.  I was laughing so hard I think the only other parent at the park was looking at me funny! 

The Week of the Young Child.

Next week, school is celebrating the Week of the Young Child.  They asked the parents to write a letter to their child(ren) about how special they are.

I realized I havent written a letter to Max in a while.  And when I started this I found myself saying the cliche stuff - i'd give my life for you, nothing else in the world matters, they are the best things that happened to me, etc. 

I left some of that in, but one of the last sentences I wrote basically summarized how I feel about Max. 

Dear Max,

Its Mama.  I was asked to write to you about how special you are to me and I try to tell you this often, and I hope someday you’ll remember this.

You came at the perfect time of my life.  You arrived in a perfect package.  I remember our first night alone together, I was afraid you didn’t know who I was so I held you throughout the night. 

You took some time to smile when you were younger, but you smile all the time now. And when I see your smile, nothing else in the world matters. 

I get excited to see you in the mornings, and at the end of the day during the week I practically run to where you are – at Grandma’s or school.  On the weekends, we spend all of our time together and I miss you when you go to bed at night.

Its been almost two years now that you’ve been with me, and I am amazed how you’ve grown.  You are such a good, inquisitive boy.  You wake up wanting to learn, read, explore and you do it all day long.  You make life interesting again. 

I would give my life for you, as any parent would for their child, but you Max, you brought me to life.

I love you with all my heart, sweet boy.

The world is yours,
Mama

Now that is how I feel.  Of course I love him.  Of course I think I am pretty damn lucky he is a well-behaved kid.  Of course, he makes me smile, and I feel a happiness and joy I've never experienced before...but in the end, he brought me to life.  He's opened me up to experience all of this.  I love him so much.  :)

(Now if I could only get him to eat!)

The Sneaky Chef.

Ever heard of the The Sneaky Chef?  Or the concept to hide fruits and veggies in kid favorite foods? 

Not me.

Max's pediatrician told me about this concept, referenced the cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld, when I was asking about nutrition and how can I get Max to eat more fruits and veggies.  I hopped on Amazon, looked up Deceptively Delicious, and found so-so reviews.  I also saw The Sneaky Chef, and in its reviews someone did a comparison of the two cookbooks/methods.  Hands down this person preferred The Sneaky Chef. 

I went to TSC's website, was able to try a free recipe (Orange Puree), and I'm impressed.  I made the Chicken Parm Pops.  Max didnt touch them (I dont think he likes things on his chicken nuggets!), but I tasted them and you cannot tell the pasta sauce contains carrots and sweet potatoes. 

I ordered the book.  (mind you I ordered a used book for a fraction of the price, like almost 80% difference!, thank you used book sellers!)

Last night I made homemade sorbet.  I love sorbet.  Always loved it, especially the rainbow kind.  But of course its full of sugar!  When I saw her recipe which is basically fruit I was excited to try it. 

Homemade Fruit Sorbet

1 1/2 cups of frozen fruit (I used strawberries)
1/2 cup store bought juice (she recommends pomegranate which I will try, but I just used orange)
2 tsp sugar

Add all ingredients into food processor and process until smooth.

The results are a soft sorbet...still very yummy!  I put the left overs in the freezer to firm up.   

Of course I added whip cream and sprinkles to make it fun...Max took two bites of the whip cream and decided he was done.  (This is a whole other subject on how to get your toddler to eat!)

But I loved it!

What I need to get is a proper food processor, my blender has been overused and is practically burnt out!

Life Block.

Yesterday I took pictures of the grilled cheese sandwich making machine my mother found at the Goodwill, thinking I could write a post about how its brought simplicity and convenience to my life. 

And as I was taking the pictures I realized I am Carrie Bradshaw in the episode of Sex and the City where she was experiencing writer's (or love) block, and decided to write about finding the perfect french fry.

Whoa.

I deleted the pictures from my camera.

I'm having a little bit of a life block here.  Probably because its the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy.  Max is growing up some - talking so much more now, not listening just that much more.  I dont think I am mentally prepared for being a mom to two kids. 

We've had some changes at home - Max now sleeps in a twin bed, no more crib.  We started talking about using the 'potty', and there isnt any objections.  I've sat him on the toilet twice now and he just asks what is going on.  I am preparing space for another child that I have no idea what will be like, how they will fit into my family dyanmic. 

So, I have no pictures.  I really dont have anything of value to say.  I have a list of to-do's to do at work and I am finding my days getting shorter (too many interruptions).  And I am SO ready for this pregnancy to be over.  I want my body back.  I want to wear cute clothes.  I want to color my hair (so so long overdue).

I want to get into our new routine.  That should break the block for sure!

To Market, To Market.

Today we had to stop on the way home for milk, carrots and a sweet potato.  Of course we tried Trader Joe's Sweet Tea and Leek dip at the sample counter.  (I walked back by the water to grab some as Max was having a hard time with the dip - not sure if he was into the consistency - what I should have done was taken a picture of his face! classic!)

I like that Trader Joe's has the mini-carts.  Today we learned how to use it.  He loved it!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter Everyone! 

(yeah, sorry this is a day late, but better late than never!)

I have to say for a holiday, one that isnt all that high up on my favorites list, it was a pretty enjoyable one.  I mean I never really even mentioned the Easter Bunny to Max.  We were at a park district event on Saturday and saw the Easter Bunny, and I was all 'Oh. Max. There's the Easter Bunny.  Say Hello.'  No enthusiasm, no trying to explain who he is, nothing.  We both looked at the bunny, and then turned away.  I am not sure what it is about Easter, but its just not as magical and cool as the others.  (Sorry Easter.)

But, Grandma and Ginga put on an awesome egg hunt for Max and the Twinkies.  They loved it!  Charlie started to cry when it was over.  Max kept asking for more eggs, even this morning when he woke up!

High Five Grandma!  You've started a tradition! 

It was just a nice weekend - weather, family - all around.  I am way exhausted today sitting here at work, but its worth it.

(and no i dont usually dress my son in sweats on a holiday...you see that was his third outfit of the day.  boys.)

Dinners In.

via I've challenged myself to no eating out whatsoever for the entire month of April.  All dinners in. This includes coffees at work, treats at work, treats on the way to/from work and anything else that has a drive-thru and is convenient. Earlier this year I was creating a new budget, seeing things are going to change here shortly (8 weeks from now!) and I need to really adhere to it.  Especially if I want to remain as debt-free as possible.  Elise Blaha has (and currently is) done this before.  She was my inspiration to give this challenge a Go.   Today is day three.  With the exception of buying a drink yesterday at work as I was *craving* Coca-Cola and drank it like I've never will again, I've been doing okay in the challenge.  I did spend a little bit more in groceries over the weekend, but I usually spend that money on lunches out during the work week.  If you are interested in joining me on the challenge, I would love to hear from you and any tips or meal ideas because I am sure Max will tire of chicken nuggets rather soon!  



GOOOAAALLLL!

Max started a soccer class this weekend.  I have to be honest and say that I am not a huge fan of soccer and I am not sure I really wanted him to take this class.  Then seeing how much he loves balls, and in just the last few weeks loves kicking them around the yard, I dont regret handing over the cash for this class. 

Besides, the uniforms alone make it all worth it!

And after the first 15 minutes or so, he got into it.  He wanted nothing to do with the bubbles and chasing the coach or the parachute.  But he was definitely all about throwing the balls into the net, kicking them, chasing them, and pointing out the deflated or 'broken' balls by saying, with an emphasis, 'Ewwwwwww!'.