You are your own worst critic.

I'll be the first to admit that I surely am my own worst critic.  I think my critic though has a chronic problem.  Its unusually critical.  Like over-the-top-obsessive-compulsive-wicked-witch-of-the-east problem. 

I had posted this shortly after I had given birth.  My body simply amazed me at what it was capable of.  This week, the critic, lets call it Lord Voldemort, had found its residence again in my head. 

Prior to getting pregnant, I used to work out anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes a day.  Hard cardio and weights, every day of the week.  I never took a break.  Wearing that size 8 was a result of this.  Plus the fact that I wouldnt eat.  Looking at this now, with a healthier mind, I realize whoa! that wasnt a healthy lifestyle I lived. 

Max and I finally found our groove and a routine that suits us both.  Working out still isnt finding its way into the groove as often as I'd like, just yet.  I am sure that will change.  In the meantime, I am enjoying my time spent on the floor with Max, or reading books together, or whatever it is that we need to do.  I'll get back to a healthier weight soon. 

So when I found myself being SUPER critical of myself this week, especially about my body and my appearance, I felt negative and ugly.  I probably carried myself differently, and people could read that.  How is it that Lord Voldemort was able to return? 

It was like I had a V8 moment right smack in the middle of me gorging on cookies, I had asked myself, why am I eating like this?  What is wrong with me?  Why do I feel just left of center? 

Dating.  And the men who have a thing about womens weight. 

I know I'll never be a super model (genetically not possible with my short legs.  = ) ).  I know I am not naturally thin.  But the one thing I am not is obese.  Once I was able to calculate that it was their problem, not mine, I started being nice to myself again. 

My good friend Amy said to me this week, the person you choose to be with should make you feel better about yourself, not make you constantly worry.  Thank you Amy!

Comments

[emily (justem)]

A great post. :) When I was in college I weighed about 125 pounds. I thought I was in "okay shape." I can't believe how much weight I've gained in the past seven years...it's a little embarrassing. BUT...I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be "skinny" again. I want to be a healthier weight...but overall I am okay with me as a whole. ;)