Dating.
I've been doing it since I was probably fifteen or sixteen years old. Seems the type of male I am attracted to might not exist. This morning I was able to actually verbalize my frustrations with it.
In case you didnt notice, I'm single. Have been for a while now. Seems the men that present themselves in my life are of the same caliber. Not all that great.
The men that I find to be great, and would be ideal as a mate, unavailable. (and that's okay, they werent meant to be my mate) However, I think I finally met someone who could be that ideal mate. Unfortunately he has a deal breaker that doesnt match with my goals.
I have a life goal that is number #3 on my list. Its really important to me. You see, as a child and a young woman, I always imagined I'd have a big family. Seeing how my path has lead me elsewhere, I am now okay with Max and a sibling. Two children.
This particular gentleman has decided no more children. So how do you say, 'you know what? it looks as if you were going to be on that great list. then you said this. and knowing this, and the feeling of a closed window in my life is not great.' I'm not ready to say 'no more kids'.
I know of a few people who've adjusted their dreams and goals for their spouses. I mean that is what a relationship is all about. Give and take. Yet, I see how there is a slight resentment in the relationship because of these adjustments. I dont want resentment in my list of feelings, nor is there room for it. (Mom Guilt is taking up way too much space these days!) I dont want someone to have resentment towards me either.
So back to the dating drawing board I go. This time though, I am wiping the board clean and putting up new rules.
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