just be ...

Max in Motion

Max in Motion from Melissa Mensavage on Vimeo.

Max in Motion

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Max in Motion from Melissa Mensavage on Vimeo.

Worry Wart.

 

I am a worry wart.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember.  Must be genetic.  Question then, who is the worry wart I get this from??  Surely not my mother, possibly my father, maybe even a learned behavior.  But it doesnt matter.  What matters is how I drive myself CRAZY when I get like this. 

I have the typical new parent concerns and worries ... is Max getting enough nutrition, am I providing enough love and affection to nuture the relationship, alarmed by blue hands and feet after a bath and I wont bore you with the rest of my concerns.  I loose sleep when I have a concern about Max, his physical and mental health.  I SCOUR the internet looking for answers because I need an answer now.  Waiting until the next day is not an option.  (And we all know that the internet is not the place to get answers to your problems.  Surely not medical answers ... I mean, cripes, WebMD has you dying for every ailment they can think of.  A hangnail, dead.  A twitch of the eye, possibly cancer first, but definitely dead.)

This does not bode well with me, my worry wart gene, late nights, lack of sleep and me standing with a flashlight over Max, examining him, while he's sleeping in his crib.  It's then I find my original worry that brought me into the room futile.  Though somehow a new worry forces me back to my room, fliping open the laptop and Google'ing. 

Does this ever go away?  I am guessing the answer to my question, without asking the internet, is No.  This never goes away, just changes as with Max.  Maybe its high time I change too, and do my best to let the 'wart' of Worry Wart go.  (because man, my head hurts from all this worrying!)

Worry Wart.

 

I am a worry wart.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember.  Must be genetic.  Question then, who is the worry wart I get this from??  Surely not my mother, possibly my father, maybe even a learned behavior.  But it doesnt matter.  What matters is how I drive myself CRAZY when I get like this. 

I have the typical new parent concerns and worries ... is Max getting enough nutrition, am I providing enough love and affection to nuture the relationship, alarmed by blue hands and feet after a bath and I wont bore you with the rest of my concerns.  I loose sleep when I have a concern about Max, his physical and mental health.  I SCOUR the internet looking for answers because I need an answer now.  Waiting until the next day is not an option.  (And we all know that the internet is not the place to get answers to your problems.  Surely not medical answers ... I mean, cripes, WebMD has you dying for every ailment they can think of.  A hangnail, dead.  A twitch of the eye, possibly cancer first, but definitely dead.)

This does not bode well with me, my worry wart gene, late nights, lack of sleep and me standing with a flashlight over Max, examining him, while he's sleeping in his crib.  It's then I find my original worry that brought me into the room futile.  Though somehow a new worry forces me back to my room, fliping open the laptop and Google'ing. 

Does this ever go away?  I am guessing the answer to my question, without asking the internet, is No.  This never goes away, just changes as with Max.  Maybe its high time I change too, and do my best to let the 'wart' of Worry Wart go.  (because man, my head hurts from all this worrying!)

Wednesday, Inspired : DIY Coloring Sheets

Since its right smack in the middle of the summer, and the boredom will be coming up sooner than you think, I found a great idea for some 'super hot and humid, cant really do anything outside' activities, that are not watching tv, playing computer or video games.  This activity will encourage creative thinking and a little daydreaming.  It actually requires you to pull out the box of crayons! 

DIY Free Beach Coloring Sheets

 

What do you like to do at the beach? 

I've always found coloring to be therapeutic, and it encouraged my love for colors and mixing and designing.  Pulling out a coloring book and the 64 box of crayons was always a delight for me.  Hopefully someone you know will enjoy these! 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
legal stuff : for personal use only.  these are a free download from the artist website, so we have to respect her copyrights. 

Wednesday, Inspired : DIY Coloring Sheets

Since its right smack in the middle of the summer, and the boredom will be coming up sooner than you think, I found a great idea for some 'super hot and humid, cant really do anything outside' activities, that are not watching tv, playing computer or video games.  This activity will encourage creative thinking and a little daydreaming.  It actually requires you to pull out the box of crayons! 

DIY Free Beach Coloring Sheets

 

What do you like to do at the beach? 

I've always found coloring to be therapeutic, and it encouraged my love for colors and mixing and designing.  Pulling out a coloring book and the 64 box of crayons was always a delight for me.  Hopefully someone you know will enjoy these! 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
legal stuff : for personal use only.  these are a free download from the artist website, so we have to respect her copyrights. 

A new appreciation.

My view, understanding and love for my body has changed. 

Before Max, I would abuse my body by not eating, making poor food choices, having little to no nutrition.  I would exercise compulsively because I thought I was 'fat' as defined by society.  I would do all the previously mentioned and then some, just to squeeze into size eight jeans.  Sure, it did wonders on my psyche, but my heart? my blood pressure?  my cholesterol?  Um, probably not so great. 

Now I sit here, having given birth to another human being and having to shop for new clothes, I am finding that I am not so hard on myself because I cant fit into size eight pants.  I am now conscious of what I eat, making sure I get proper nutrition so I can be healthy for Max.  I have stretch marks on my stomach but I am not disgusted by them nor am I ready for them to go away.  (I know they never will, but I want them to take their time shrinking)  Why?  Because its a gentle reminder of what my body did and can do.  I am in awe over the fact that Max is a result of my body.  He started out as just a bunch of cells, and now he's in the next room sleeping in his crib. 

There is a line in the movie Miss Congeniality 2, at the end where Gracie visits a classroom of a grade school fan, and says this to the class, '... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?'

This is a great  message to everyone, in regards to self-esteem and image.  Dont let what the tags say, what peers say, about how you should look, what size is beautiful.  Everyone is beautiful in their own right.  This message has finally made it through to me. 

I look at my body now and knowing what it can do, the miracle it can provide and I find that I love it just the way it is, stretch marks, hanging uterus and all.  I've never been this comfortable in my own skin.  Its such a great feeling.  So much better than knowing what the tag says.  

A new appreciation.

My view, understanding and love for my body has changed. 

Before Max, I would abuse my body by not eating, making poor food choices, having little to no nutrition.  I would exercise compulsively because I thought I was 'fat' as defined by society.  I would do all the previously mentioned and then some, just to squeeze into size eight jeans.  Sure, it did wonders on my psyche, but my heart? my blood pressure?  my cholesterol?  Um, probably not so great. 

Now I sit here, having given birth to another human being and having to shop for new clothes, I am finding that I am not so hard on myself because I cant fit into size eight pants.  I am now conscious of what I eat, making sure I get proper nutrition so I can be healthy for Max.  I have stretch marks on my stomach but I am not disgusted by them nor am I ready for them to go away.  (I know they never will, but I want them to take their time shrinking)  Why?  Because its a gentle reminder of what my body did and can do.  I am in awe over the fact that Max is a result of my body.  He started out as just a bunch of cells, and now he's in the next room sleeping in his crib. 

There is a line in the movie Miss Congeniality 2, at the end where Gracie visits a classroom of a grade school fan, and says this to the class, '... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?'

This is a great  message to everyone, in regards to self-esteem and image.  Dont let what the tags say, what peers say, about how you should look, what size is beautiful.  Everyone is beautiful in their own right.  This message has finally made it through to me. 

I look at my body now and knowing what it can do, the miracle it can provide and I find that I love it just the way it is, stretch marks, hanging uterus and all.  I've never been this comfortable in my own skin.  Its such a great feeling.  So much better than knowing what the tag says.  

Two Months.

 

Dear Max,

You are now two months old.  This means two months have gone by with you in my life and I couldnt be happier.  When you were around six weeks old, I felt this enormous amount of love for you come bursting out of my heart.  I've always loved you, even before you were born, but this is different.  It is good.  Very good. 

You have changed so much since the first time I had seen you.  You are growing like a weed!  Changing every day.  Just the other night you grew out of your pyjamas during the middle of the night.  I put you to bed and they were a bit snug, and when you woke for your normal 3AM feeding, you couldnt straighten your legs!  Like always, I can look at you, watch you and talk to you all day long and never get bored! 

You are in a constant state of motion.  Dr. Glas calls you 'Max-in-motion'. 

You are moving in your crib.  I put you down in one place and when I pick you up, you are at the other end of the crib, or turned sideways. 

You enjoy music (thank you lord!).  You become very quiet and still when music is playing.  Ms. Bee, the giant bumble bee that sings 'I'm a babbling bee, I'll sing you a song tee-hee.  I'm a babbling bee, didily didily dee.' is one of your favorites.

You are cooing more, a way of you communicating.  I love to hear it.  You usually do this when you are excited, happy or what I am seeing to be an awnry state (forsight of sarcasm???).

You are holding your head up by yourself when I have you sitting on my knee, to burp.  Or when I sit you on the couch. 

You have found your hands!  You like to chew on your fists, and you'll bring your hands to your chest when you are eating.  You also hold your left arm/hand in the upright position when laying on your back.  I'd imagine this is what you did in utero.

You can follow me around the room, in the kitchen when you are sitting in your swing. 

You love the playmat in my bedroom.  You stare at the blue polka dots and the blue peacock. 

Grandma and I have identical bouncy chairs.  You love hers, you hate ours. 

You love the 'How big is Maxwell?' game.  Mommy says, 'How big is Maxwell?', holding your hands, and then we raise your hands over your head and say, 'SO big!'. 

Most importantly, you are working on your smiles.  They make their appearance, but not frequently or spontaneously yet.  I usually get a smile when you are on the changing table.  I love your smiles. 

Thankfully for both of us, a routine is starting to creep into our lives.  You like to sleep in.  You'll wake for an early morning feeding and then you'll want to go back to sleep to about nine or ten.  I get to watch you sleep during this time, a new hobby of mine!  I miss you when I leave you to run errands, and you are with Grandma.  I miss you when you sleep all day and we have had little play time.  I've been told you are an easy going child.  I have no complaints, even when you are screaming your head off because you are pissed you are back in the car seat once again!  You are my all-time favorite person and I count my blessings every day you are here.

I love you Max.

Love, Mom

Two Months.

 

Dear Max,

You are now two months old.  This means two months have gone by with you in my life and I couldnt be happier.  When you were around six weeks old, I felt this enormous amount of love for you come bursting out of my heart.  I've always loved you, even before you were born, but this is different.  It is good.  Very good. 

You have changed so much since the first time I had seen you.  You are growing like a weed!  Changing every day.  Just the other night you grew out of your pyjamas during the middle of the night.  I put you to bed and they were a bit snug, and when you woke for your normal 3AM feeding, you couldnt straighten your legs!  Like always, I can look at you, watch you and talk to you all day long and never get bored! 

You are in a constant state of motion.  Dr. Glas calls you 'Max-in-motion'. 

You are moving in your crib.  I put you down in one place and when I pick you up, you are at the other end of the crib, or turned sideways. 

You enjoy music (thank you lord!).  You become very quiet and still when music is playing.  Ms. Bee, the giant bumble bee that sings 'I'm a babbling bee, I'll sing you a song tee-hee.  I'm a babbling bee, didily didily dee.' is one of your favorites.

You are cooing more, a way of you communicating.  I love to hear it.  You usually do this when you are excited, happy or what I am seeing to be an awnry state (forsight of sarcasm???).

You are holding your head up by yourself when I have you sitting on my knee, to burp.  Or when I sit you on the couch. 

You have found your hands!  You like to chew on your fists, and you'll bring your hands to your chest when you are eating.  You also hold your left arm/hand in the upright position when laying on your back.  I'd imagine this is what you did in utero.

You can follow me around the room, in the kitchen when you are sitting in your swing. 

You love the playmat in my bedroom.  You stare at the blue polka dots and the blue peacock. 

Grandma and I have identical bouncy chairs.  You love hers, you hate ours. 

You love the 'How big is Maxwell?' game.  Mommy says, 'How big is Maxwell?', holding your hands, and then we raise your hands over your head and say, 'SO big!'. 

Most importantly, you are working on your smiles.  They make their appearance, but not frequently or spontaneously yet.  I usually get a smile when you are on the changing table.  I love your smiles. 

Thankfully for both of us, a routine is starting to creep into our lives.  You like to sleep in.  You'll wake for an early morning feeding and then you'll want to go back to sleep to about nine or ten.  I get to watch you sleep during this time, a new hobby of mine!  I miss you when I leave you to run errands, and you are with Grandma.  I miss you when you sleep all day and we have had little play time.  I've been told you are an easy going child.  I have no complaints, even when you are screaming your head off because you are pissed you are back in the car seat once again!  You are my all-time favorite person and I count my blessings every day you are here.

I love you Max.

Love, Mom