just be ...

Bad Cop.

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Lately I've been the Bad Cop.  I knew I would have to wear this hat, but not ALL. THE. TIME.  (Ok, in Max's defense he is not always misbehaving.)  I just feel now that he is moving more into a toddler, and less of an infant, the parenting job has taken a turn in a different direction. 

Stop biting.

Out of the bathroom cabinets.

Out of the kitchen cabinets.

Stop opening the drawers to Mommy's dresser.

Stop taking all of Mommy's shoes out of the boxes.

I know what I am doing is setting boundaries, teaching him right from wrong, good from bad.  But man, this is hard.  After Max's goes to bed, I've had little energy to do anything.  I've found recently I walk from his room to my room and flop into bed.  Only to wake up at midnight, go downstairs to do the dishes and pick-up.  Not a good pattern or routine to be in. 

Any of my mommy friends or family - Does this stage pass? If so, WHEN???  

I love this kid like crazy.  I know I need to discipline him.  I know I will not be one of his favorite people some day.    I just wish I had a crystal ball so that I could see my hard work paying off.  And that my frustrations will not rub off on him.  He's an overall genuine happy boy.  I'd like for it to stay that way. 

The Creative Side.

Lately, its been all about Max here. Rightfully so as my life is all about Max. And I would not want it any other way.  However, I totally get it when women say, ‘I’ve lost me, and am only good for wiping noses, butts, hands and picking up after little people’.  Because in part, that statement is true. When I am not at work, I am knee deep in that statement. 

I’ve always had a creative side to me – wanting to create – whatever it may be. I used to get all caught up in the ‘how much money will this hobby cost, and how can I recoup that money’ mindset. Since having Max, that creative side has been on sabbatical. Earlier this summer, it started making its appearance again and I’m loving it. 

Seeing school has started, and its nearing the end of Summer, I have been thinking about hats, scarves, knitting. I am in the process of going through Max’s clothes. He needs warm clothes for the upcoming fall and winter seasons. Trying to keep costs down, and feed my creative side, I thought I could make a few items.  

Also, with the exception of Carters, there is nothing cute on the market for boys. Boys does not equal Boring, people. 

I’ve been doing a lot of surfing late at night trying to find ideas. And here are a few I will be attempting over the next few weeks (I’ll be sharing the process):








All photos / ideas / patterns from Made.

So I am off to the thrift store today to look for mens sweaters and shirts to ‘refashion’. Hopefully I’ll stick to my budget and not walk out having to hitch a trailer to the car!

Things you thought you'd never use.

That magnet was sent home with me from the hospital after I delivered Max.  I threw it up on the fridge and really never thought twice about it, until the other night where I found it under grocery lists and Max's artwork. 

You see, I am a good mom.  I stay in the bathroom while Max is in the tub, I usually play with him.  But lately, I've been washing my face and brushing my teeth while he is in the tub.  Its been working out just fine.  However, one accident in the tub earlier this week led me to cleaning the tub twice before I felt it was *really* clean.  I left the Comet out on the side of the tub totally blanking on the fact that Max will find this.  And he will put it in his mouth. 

And so he did on Thursday evening.  And I completely freaked out.  A call to Poison Control, the emergency room and my dad (a chemist), and of course my mother (several times) were made.  Conclusion: not the best idea for Max, but not the worst either.  I have no idea if he ingested any, but took precautions as if he did.  Luckily, he's fine. 

Today, after our large motor class, we came home and I threw this stuff out.

None of that stuff is good for the environment anyway.  And surely its not good for a 14 month old little boy.  I have found a recipe for a general purpose cleaner that is made from products we have in our households.  I heard it works, so we are going to give it a try.  I am not taking any chances, though I had these items locked up, Max can (and most likely will) figure out the ins/outs of the lock. 

One quarter cup baking soda, one half cup vinegar and one half gallon of water.  Mix, put into clear spray bottle and go to town on your countertops!

Cupcakes arent always for special occasions.

Picked up these cupcake holders/bakers at the Wilton tent sale thinking I would use them for a birthday or something.  Well 'something' happened to be today, Sunday, July 10th. 

And wouldn't you know, he ate the whole thing!  I swore he was going to have a stomach ache.  This was a good 'mommy' moment for me. 

Bane of my existence.

This here, seen above, is the bane of my existence this week. 

 I feel bad for Max, for having to deal with such changes and pressure and icky-ness and sleeplessness. 

 I feel helpless because I can give him temporary relief, I cannot take it away.    

 I want for the tooth to cut already. 

 I want for atleast one night over the next five to be restful, to a point where we both wake and feel refreshed.

 This holiday weekend will be spent doing the following :
-SLEEPING, especially when Max’s sleeps.

What’s is the bane of your existence?  How do you cope?

It's no longer about me.

'Tis the season for sandals! Every year I cannot wait for spring to start the search for the must-have sandal.  This year is no different.  Well, there is one difference.  The shoe budget now has to be shared.  Which means, bye-bye expensive designer shoes. 

Which means I can only dream of owning these beauties (found here).

Which means I actually own these beauties (found here)

 

What kind of mother am I?

Lately I've been wondering what kind of mother am I.  Each person is unique and different and no two parenting styles are alike, but I am trying to figure out mine.  Not sure why I need to go through this exercise, or even put a label on it.  

I know I want to be the type of mom that encourages her children to try new things.  I want them to feel comfortable enough to talk about what is on their mind and know their feelings will not be pacified or belittled.  I know it will be super hard for me to let them experience pain and heartache, from bad choices, as I can recall that feeling a little too well. 

I want to be the type of mom that instead of putting the groceries away immediately when we get home, that we take a walk, in the drizzling rain.  I want to make sure that proper nutrition is provided.  I want to have dinner at the dinner table as family. 

Though on days like today, I struggle with the tantrums and crankiness.  I can see the glares of others in the stores.  It drives me crazy that people are passing judgement when they have no idea the circumstances.  I need to work on letting go of what other people think.  I have no control over it and even if I did, I cant force someone to agree with my parenting style. 

I know I am doing the best I can.  And from the hugs that Max has learned to give, the milestones he is meeting and exceeding and his laughter and smiles, I know whatever this parenting style is, is working. 

End of chapter.

I'm home now.  Been home for close to 36 hours.  I love it.  I love being with Max.  I love getting to experience our nighttime routine.  I love getting to feed him, to hug him, to hold him (even in the urgent care as soon as I got home).  I missed him more than I knew. 

When I was in Budapest, I felt empty inside.  I felt like I was putting in half the effort I should have (though I still gave 110% as always to my job).  However, I knew being there wasnt where I was suppose to be. 

Before Max was born, I spent about three years traveling the world for work.  I loved it.  LOVED.  I would get so excited to get to the airport, get on the plane, and head off to another country, other side of the world, on the other side of the equator!  I loved setting off on foot to see the sights of the new places.  I loved getting to experience new foods and cultures.  I loved meeting new people.  Coming home some times was a drag for me. 

This time, this trip, was the complete opposite.  I had no desire to see the city of Budapest.  I had no desire to go shopping.  I had no desire to socialize with any one from the office (though I did get to see a co-worker who just had a beautiful baby girl, so happy for her!).  My heart wanted to be home with Max.  When I was walking around Budapest last Saturday, enjoying the sites as much as I could, I realized this isnt who I am anymore.  I am not the world traveler.  I am not the sightseer.  I am not the social butterfly. 

I am a mom to a beautiful little boy.  I am Mom to Max. 

The Travel chapter of my life is over.  And I am not at all sad about it because the Mom chapter is way more exciting and rewarding than any travel could ever be. 

Going with the flow.

*taken at 10:30p thursday evening. 

 I had this post all written out about how I've been blogging since 2005, and have captured my life for the last five years in an online journal.  But that all got thrown to the side tonight when Max had a bad, and I mean B.A.D. case of heartburn / stomach ache.  Since he couldnt tell me exactly his symptoms, I had to go on the incessant smelly burps and toots. 

If you look at the carpet on the first floor you will see the path I took tonight for about two hours.  Just walking and walking and walking, I had to catch myself a couple of times from not falling asleep!

So here we are at 10:30p and it seems as if the indigestion has passed for the most part.  He's still burping and tooting.  I am afraid he is hungry and wants his bottle that he normally has right before bed.  And I am leary of giving it to him if its going to upset him again.  I'll wait it out for a few to see what happens. 

But if anyone wanted to know ... this is my life.  Right now.

Merry Christmas.

...in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

Its Christmas Eve and I am watching White Christmas, sitting by the tree.  I just finished the last stocking I said I would make for Max and the twinkie nephews.  I am pleased with them.  They dont have the professionally made look, or even an experienced/serious crafter touch.  But they do look like the pictures and they have love. 

I still have to wrap a couple of presents and make a couple more gifts, and its 9:53p.  I say each year I wont wait until the last minute... and here I am waiting until the last minute! 

This is my first Christmas with Max.  Since before Thanksgiving, I've been feeling a different holiday magic.  Seeing the holidays in a different light, remembering all the christmases from my youth.  I want Max to have the same excitement I had and still have.  So when Santa came to visit, it felt a little odd at first, but when I took pictures of the tree with his gifts, I smiled.  This year he doesnt have a clue, he'll just want to bang everything and put it in his mouth.  I am excited for the years when he does know what it means, and his face will light up with excitement.   

With that said, I with all of you a Very Merry Christmas!  May this season bring you happiness and peace.